urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut sonyafrancescut sonyafrancescut 2007-03-12T00:04:00Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:22105 2007-03-12T00:04:00Z 2007-03-12T00:04:00Z I would rather loose a leg then feel how I feel right now. Have I really completely lost my best friend and the person I have been in love with for two years. <br /><br />I actually feel like everything is over, and I want it to be. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:21999 2007-03-07T18:16:18Z 2007-03-07T18:16:18Z I feel about as good as someone who got stabbed in the heart, because basically thats how I feel. <br /><br />I didn't know it was possible to get your heart broken about three times by the same person. <br />Fuck urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:21533 2007-03-06T17:57:14Z 2007-03-06T17:57:14Z I love how when you feel like you have no one and that everyone has turned their back against you, I'm one of those you fall back on. But when everything returns to normal you are no where to be found and I am the one that has to make all the effort. Its actually the most frustrating feeling in the world. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:21394 2007-02-24T00:00:38Z 2007-02-24T00:00:38Z I can not handle this house anymore urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:21054 2007-02-23T04:00:57Z 2007-02-23T04:00:57Z Im trying so fucking hard to get over him. <br />Im done with all of this and those two wasted years of my life. <br /><br /><br />Hopefully school in september either way I'll be in toronto. <br />And I'm thinking of volunteering in Thailand for part of the summer but just thinking about that makes me so nervous urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:20736 2007-02-16T03:56:28Z 2007-02-16T03:56:28Z I can't believe im feeling the need to walk away from a 2+ year friendship with someone who above everything else was always my best friend. Because my stupied head is telling me it will make me better urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:20653 2007-02-15T04:40:41Z 2007-02-15T04:40:41Z The End - Dangerous I'm tired of being in love with him. <br />I'm tired of hoping. <br />I'm tired of his let downs.<br />I'm tired of his smile <br />and is eyes that ingolf me when I see him <br />I'm tired of his hollow words. <br />I'm tired of his hugs<br />and the cute things he says<br />I've grown sick of his mix cd that says on repeat every night so I can wake up to it in the mornings. <br />I'm sick of the fact that he knows I love him but wont to anything to sway me one way or the other.<br />I'm sick of not being able to show someone and share with the person I love those feelings.<br />Most of all im sick of him always coming to me saying I'm the only one he can truly depend on and am truly his best friend but feel like hes not proud to have me in his life and that I'm this little treasure that he wants to keep a secret.<br /><br /><br />I wish I could remember that one moment in time where everything turned from being so simple, so black an white to a prism of colour and confusion, of falsified hopes and broken dreams. Where everything became unclear. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:20323 2007-02-13T17:24:12Z 2007-02-13T17:24:12Z I wish I didnt get so cranky yesterday but then I remembered that, that day two years ago you broke up with me on a text messaged. <br />I wish yesterday was as fabulous as I hoped it wouldnt have been. <br />But I also realised I wont fight for you anymore, I wont tell you how I feel anymore, I wont try to win you over. I've tried to hard for the past two years and it just ruins me everytime my hopes get crushed.<br /><br />So know in relation with you, there are no hopes. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:20015 2007-02-11T21:05:26Z 2007-02-11T21:05:26Z I get to see him tomorrow Im soo fucking nervous its unbelievable. I have a cousins dinner tonight in toronto and ill be staying at my sisters so I can meet Matt for noon. Ahhhh butterflies. This all has got to stop soon right? After two years it still shouldnt be like this every time I see him? <br /><br />My aunt wants to pay for my apartment but I declined, I hate handouts. But maybe soon Im march or something ill take up her offer. <br /><br />On another note I miss Jessica!!!!!! I hate that she lives in oshawa and I only see twice a month if im lucky. I think its going to have to change. <br /><br /><br />Now I have to call Erikah, get ready and go to my sisters apartment. Ill be back monday urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:19923 2007-02-06T04:53:45Z 2007-02-06T04:53:45Z OK I take it all back. <br />I just read into things and jump to conclusions about everything, well everything involving him. <br />I can not fucking wait to see him this weekend. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:19489 2007-02-05T23:11:20Z 2007-02-05T23:11:20Z "and consider you anything less than my best friend" Negative<br />"youll be my number one priority when I come to visit" Negative<br /><br /><br />Why do you always make me feel completely opposite to what you say. Why cant I feel what you say ever. As you always say words are hollow and I guess it is what you show that proves everything. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:19392 2007-02-03T00:43:56Z 2007-02-03T00:43:56Z Its amazing how much more confusing that made everything. <br />Thanks. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:18966 2007-02-02T03:49:31Z 2007-02-02T03:49:31Z New Silverchair song after 4 years actually made me soo happy. ahah Laugh at me for it but they have been my favorite band since I was about six and it will not change. <br />O and seeing Eva today made my day. <br />My sister told me I could come live with her in Toronto, maybe I should.<br />As for everything else it really could get much better urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:18803 2007-02-02T02:25:40Z 2007-02-02T02:25:40Z Ive given up, offically. <br />Im done trying, Im done thinking about it, Im just done with him. <br />You dont need another girl in love with you an constantly showing you, so I wont. <br />I wont say it <br />I wont try as hard as I always do<br />Maybe I wont be there unless you show me your here<br />Be a ghost do what you want, jump in and out of my life. This time I'll let you and I wont put up a fight, because I've fought enough for you and to prove alot to you. <br /> I guess ill be here when you return. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:18187 2007-01-31T19:12:30Z 2007-01-31T19:12:30Z How is it possible the one person could feel soo strongly for another and the other person doesnt feel the same. <br />Its so weird that I gave another person the same advice that I need to hear myself. <br />I dont notice anyone else anymore. I feel like im a completely different person now then I used to be. I used to care and want to pick up a guy and now, its the last thing I even care about. No one seems to compair and no one seems to fit my standards except for that one. <br />How can two people who have lived the same thing with each other feel so different. <br />I look at my life before him and I see how much better its been made because of him. Who I used to be and who I am woudln't be this way unless it was for him.<br />Hes some how managed to life me off my feet and never put me back down. <br />Its suposed to be the best feeling in life, being in love and sharing that love with that one who loves you back.<br /><br />How can love exist if its not shared?<br />How can this feeling be so strong when it cant be show?<br />How can one countinue on loving someone who doesn't love them back?<br />How do you wake up every morning and know that you cant show the person you love, that love?<br />But most of all how do you move one when you can't? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:18084 2007-01-31T00:39:53Z 2007-01-31T00:39:53Z The End I really want to be back in London again, for some reason I love it there I really dont know why. I had a really great time there this weekend. It was nice to have a break having nice relaxing breakfasts ad Symposium and great dinners. Not to mention the funniest ride home of my life, theres nothing like the driver of our car almost fighting some indian guy at the gas station because he wouldnt move up two feet. <br />Im scared to death right now of everything that could happen.<br />Feelings still havnt changed, what a friggen surprise, I think im done forcing it to happen. <br />I have decided No more dating, no more relationships, and no more hook ups for a long while, well its been this way for a while but now Im offically telling myself this. <br /><br />I really love my uncle I wish he wasn't in Tremblant we have just recently become close since for my whole I life hes always lived at one mountain or another. He wants me to go live up there but me on a cold mountain imagine I can handle that. <br /><br /><br />Cousins night out on the town - Febuary 11th. I miss all of them far to much. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:17760 2007-01-22T05:12:02Z 2007-01-22T05:12:02Z "I did it, and I haven't really done it in a long time.<br />I paid attention.<br />I listened to you, I spoke to you.<br />We talked, we talked about life, we spoke about nothing, we chatted about something.<br />I spoke of things I haven't really spoken of in awhile.<br />I thought about things I haven't really thought of in awhile.<br />I almost cried.<br />I poured it out, I yammered on.<br />We talked for hours.<br />You listened, you comforted, and you helped.<br />I got it out, I let it out, I felt better, I moved on.<br />It may not seem like much, but sometimes the simple things are monumental.<br />Thank you."<br /><br /><br /><br />I really miss this, I Do miss you in my life and how important things became so quickly. Im Really happy you came out the other night, you will always mean alot to me. I truly hope your happy with where you are in life, I may be surpised at a choice you made recently to leave a company that transformed your life. A company that became your strongest passion and brought you from North Bay to Toronto. Know ill always be here when you need it. <br /><br /><br />Most of you will read this and thing that its something that its not. It has to do with someone i concider to be a very good friend and will always think very highly of him. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:17552 2007-01-18T17:21:44Z 2007-01-18T17:21:44Z Pilates<br />Monthy Spa Trips<br /><br />O GOD! im turning into this high-class women! DAMN IT!!<br />Im like those 40 year old mothers who marry for money and spend there days getting that nails or hair done then work out for 4 hours a day urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:17383 2007-01-15T14:52:58Z 2007-01-15T14:52:58Z Official 19 Years old.<br />Ive never been so confused before <br />Ive never been so inlove with someone before. <br /><br />But there are a few things that will never change for me and will always be someone that makes my life worth while. <br />One thing I am very thankfully is that soothing voice on the other side of the phone. The voice that I know I can depend on for the rest of my life, that voice I depend on when I have nothing else. Your my best friend and Im so thankfull to have you in my life Jessi. <br /><br />Jessica Winnicot theres nothing more to say then I am so happy your in my life. I wish out plans could go through today but weather and sickness decided differently. Im incredably thankful for you. <br /><br />I have those who are most important in my life. Everyone searches for a life time to find those perfect friends who are dependable and true. Ive found that and I guess thats the most I could ever ask for at 19. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:16928 2007-01-08T02:11:29Z 2007-01-08T02:11:29Z Chin Up - Copland Tonight was really good and something I really needed, <br />I want it to happen at least once a week because theres an incredable calm when im around him. <br /><br />It also made me realise alot about what and who is important in my life. Where I belong for the rest of my life and where I want to be. <br />Im really happy right now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:16822 2006-12-13T19:39:39Z 2006-12-13T19:39:39Z I hate the mall being open untill 10 its completely pointless. <br />o and next week it being open till 11! god damn!<br /><br />now im off to work yet again <br /><br />but hopfully tomorrow works out!<br />im really looking foward to it urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:16616 2006-11-22T19:23:38Z 2006-11-22T19:23:38Z I really should start going to school again. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:16174 2006-11-21T01:14:26Z 2006-11-21T01:14:26Z Lady Sovereign - 9 to 5 to everyone that has ever attended an s4c show or helped support s4c in anyway, today you're thanked. today there was a breakthrough in cancer research at princess margaret hospital. so thanks to your donations... we're one step closer to a cure. This is what makes everything we do worth while.<br /><br />thank you so much<br />love<br />the s4c team<br /><br /><br /><br />Toronto researchers make new cancer discovery today at Princess Margaret Hospital <br /><br />- Toronto researchers think they're moving closer to determining how cancers start.<br /><br />The discovery is contrary to what researchers have believed in the last thirty or forty years.<br /><br />It's always been suspected that every cell in a tumour causes cancer. Two new studies, however, one here and one in Italy, are concluding that only a small proportion of stem cells actually draw the formation of tumours associated with colon cancer and may be responsible for all other forms of cancer as well.<br /><br />University of Toronto professor Dr. Robert Logan teaches in the Department of Physics. He says that the challenge now will be to learn how those stem cells can be manipulated molecularly.<br /><br />"Right now all we can do is radiate them, cut them out or attack them with chemotherapy but if we can find a molecular agent that will turn off the cancer stem cell and convert it back into a normal cell, then we can cure the cancer and the body will take care of the rest," said Logan.<br /><br />Researchers say going after stem cells would be like getting rid of a weed's root rather than cutting the top off of the weed. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:16006 2006-11-18T17:45:25Z 2006-11-18T17:45:25Z Luke Pickett - Blood Money Is it ok to lie about something or a situation if you think it will protect the feelings of someone else?<br /><br />Why am I having such a hard time trusting people these days?<br /><br />Why did I come visit you that one night, why did I fall for you, why did I let myself?<br /><br />I was so good at being heartless and only worrying about myself for the first time in two years, I felt so free of attachment for 6 months, then bam! Why did I open myself up for someone to walk in?<br /><br />What do I do when my dad comes home, because I know I wont be able to handle it. Call it selfish or whatever but I know hell be worse and I know I wont be able to live with it, im just not strong enough anymore?<br /><br />Actually why did he have to go against doctors orders and stop taking his pills, and cause himself to be in the possition he is now?<br /><br />Why is it that everything I do wrong in my mothers eyes, for fuck sake I cant even feed my dad right.<br /><br />Why does love linger on forever and never go away, atleast for me?<br /><br />I dont remember the last time I felt that shitty, seeing you last night with your "fiance" or whatever she, is hurt more then I could ever imagin. Why did I let you go for him?<br /><br />Why do I still think about you, and want you to be nothing less then 2 mins away, after everything Why?<br /><br />Why did you step all over me when I would have done anything for you, and still would?<br /><br />Why do I feel like im going know where in life? I thought I had it all figured out but I have never felt so lost?<br /><br />Why cant it be september of next year, ill be with my best friend in a cute little appartment in toronto, ill be happy, ill be complete.<br /><br />Why do I keep looking back to january/febuary of last year, wish I was there again, I think that was the last time i felt at ease with who was in my life and what I was surround by. I felt complete, content and estatic with life.<br /><br /><br />Why is my life filled with all these questions I cant answer, and all these things I cant change? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sonyafrancescut:15693 2006-10-22T22:51:02Z 2006-10-22T22:51:02Z I had an amazing time this weekend<br />friday being the highlight of course, seeing my best friend above all things was the best.<br />Then of course everyone else, Johnny, beau, rabbit, shannon, alex, bellerose and seeing amanda was amazing! ive missed her so much. <br />And shopping with ewan as he drops a shit load of money made me incredably envious!!<br /><br />then last night partying with my cousins = TO MUCH WINE! <br />but way to much fun, i definatly love my cousins and regret not having spent alot of time together when we were younger. But i guess the 8 year age differnce made things weird but now. .were just a happy group of alchoholics!<br /><br /><br /><br />I need to see these people soon, because its been way to long!<br />JESSICA!!<br />jon<br />i miss you both greatly because i care about you two so much!!